Introductions, Lies, Thai Economics, and Penis Enlargement
Well this is the inaugural issue of TheFarang. Now I know what it’s like for a woman to give birth. I’m not sure what all the fuss about having a child is about. This website launch was pretty easy. Though I did opt to be heavily medicated rather than give natural birth so I can’t speak for all forms of birthing.
Before I get too caught up in my first post I should probably introduce myself. My name is Billy Bangkok. I’m not an actual person. I am a character created by the owner of this website. I’m sort of Ali G to his Sacha Baron Cohen, though both of us are more annoying and far less funny.
Much in the same way that Ali G allows Mr. Cohen to voice outrageous and offensive views in order to amuse some and anger others, the owner of the site decided that he would like to define the boundaries between reality and fiction loosely enough that the job should fall on the shoulders an entity that could flow back and forth between the two without being hindered with inconveniences like congruency, accountability, or a sense of good taste.
With the formality of introductions out of the way I should start off by saying a little something about what this blog aims to be. If for no other reason than when I inevitably change the blog’s course in the future people can reference this post and tell me I’ve sold out.
With so many blogs about Thailand out there in the vast blogosphere it would seem questionable to throw another onto the overflowing pile. And when you consider that I don’t even live in the country it wouldn’t be out of line to ask whether or not I’m in my right mind. But that’s exactly it. I’m not in my right mind. That’s the genius of it.
I’m far from being an expert on Thailand but I do read a lot of blogs, message boards, and news websites devoted to Thailand. Some of it is of high quality and some of it is pure crap. So my plan is to weed through the good and the bad and bring you something mildly amusing and/or informative each week.
I hope you enjoy.
Blog Post of the Week
I really enjoyed Stick’s post about lies this week. Much like Stick I value the truth so his post really hit home with me.
Should the discovery of lies not result in, at the very minimum, a loss of face for the liar? Seems not to be the case these days. In this maddening world we live in today, it seems to be that it is the person who makes someone upset who is at fault, irrespective of whether that person deserved to be made upset or otherwise.
That’s one of the things I’ve always found fascinating about the Thai lie. It seems to be much more rude to call someone on a lie than to actually lie. For that reason I’ve found Thais to be very poor liars. They’ll often tell you things that are so absurd that you’re actually shocked that they would consider you that gullible. They simply don’t get called on their lies often enough for them to go to the trouble to become good liars. As long as it remains a bigger loss of face for the target of the lie to embarrass the liar than it is for the liar to be thought of as a liar there’s simply no incentive.
I remember meeting one girl in a nightclub. We struck up a conversation and she seemed to be a well educated lady. Though it struck me as odd that she would always answer the waitress in English even though the waitress would speak to her in Thai. I figured she was either doing it to make me feel more comfortable or she was so fluent in English that she was unaware she was mixing languages. I jokingly questioned her about it and she told me she wasn’t Thai and didn’t speak the language.
I knew she was lying. First off she had facial features that were so Thai it was comical that she would claim otherwise. The second clue was that despite an excellent command of English she still spoke with a distinctively Thai accent that could have only been acquired if Thai had been her native tongue. And third, and probably most importantly, she fully understood the waitress speaking to her in Thai even though she was answering in English. And this wasn’t your standard “What would you like to order?” type conversation. The two of them went back and forth in Thai and English in an exchange that one would have to at least known the language pretty well to keep up with.
I mean, there was absolutely no reason for her to lie to me. I wouldn’t have thought any more or less of her based on whether she was Thai or not. But the fact that she would lie in such an obvious manner immediately turned me off to her and I soon found a way to exit the conversation and her company.
To this day I still think about that brief encounter and it perplexes me. I could understand if she said she wasn’t Thai because perhaps she had been married previously and had obtained citizenship in another country. Or maybe one of her parents was Thai but her passport was from another country. But that doesn’t explain why she was equally as adamant that she didn’t speak the language though she obviously did. Again, even if I pegged her wrong and she was Burmese, Lao, or Cambodian you would at least expect that she would say that she spoke only a little Thai.
Even if I converted to Buddhism and achieved total enlightenment I don’t think I’ll ever figure that one out (or how they get the chocolate inside an M&M).
Thai Girl of the Week
The Asian Sweetheart was kind enough to bring the lovely Balloon to my attention this week. But the Asian Sweetheart isn’t quite sure if Balloon is hot or not.
Personally, I think she’s well fine. Asian Sweetheart has a good point that as a model she doesn’t photograph well from all angles but I have a much simpler test. I call it the eating crackers in bed test. Is she someone I would kick out of my bed if she were eating crackers and getting crumbs all over the place? On that scale, Balloon is definitely a keeper.
I once had a deep philosophical conversation with one of my mates about women and we both came to the conclusion that women with flaws are sexier than women with no flaws. Women without flaws don’t seem real. They seem unattainable. Flawed women seem more within a normal guy’s reach. Angelina Jolie isn’t sexy just because of her looks. She’s certifiably crazy and that turns guys on.
On the other hand, Princess Diana was a very attractive woman but you didn’t ever hear guys having fantasies about her because she lived every moment attempting to appear flawless. There was no way that even the horniest guy was going to be able to devise a fantasy situation where Princess Di was going to get hot and nasty with him. In contrast you don’t even need to tax the imagination to come up with some scenarios where Angelina might jump your bones given the right circumstances.
Balloon, I love you just the way you are; flawed yet obtainable.
Top Stories of the Week
It’s been a wild, wild week in Thai news. US and world markets have been going crazy recently with the world-wide meltdown caused by everything from sub-prime loans to cheeky traders losing a few billion.
Fed’s bold move may hurt Thailand
Thai Baht Hits 10 Year Record High
While this may sound all fine and dandy I’m not sure how this is going to play out for the Thai economy in the long run. The Thai Hotels Association sees “big hotels” introducing 12,000 new rooms this year. Last year hotels saw an occupancy rate of about 70% which was down 8% from 2005. And while the THA is expecting a small rebound this year it isn’t going to be anything near enough to soak up the new rooms hitting the market.
This grim assessment is made even more difficult to understand as the same report says that Phuket alone is expected to see 15,000 new rooms being opened which is greater than the estimate of 12,000 for the entire country. How the THA defines “big hotels” seems to be the main point of contention. How many big and small hotel rooms are hitting the market is a complete unknown. If Phuket is introducing more big and small hotel rooms than the total for the entire nation you have to imagine that the total figure of new rooms coming available in Thailand in 2008 has to be a large multiple of the 12,000 figure the THA is reporting.
Now the average Westerner might look at this bleak outlook and think to themselves that there are bargains to be had. Unfortunately such a person shows how little they know about Thailand. Declining occupancy rates and an increase in supply does not equate to lower prices in Thailand. In fact, it produces the exact opposite effect. The Thai owner of a business which sees lower demand or increased supply (or both at the same time) will simply raise their rates in order to compensate them for fewer customers.
So don’t expect to find any travel deals in places like Bangkok where most of the owners of tourism related businesses are Thai. In fact, I would not be surprised if the rack rate of most Bangkok hotels increased in 2008. However in places like Phuket and Pattaya where the owners are mainly Westerners who understand that whole supply-demand curve thingy you are likely to see prices adjust in your favor.
Interestingly, this dynamic tends to accentuate change in Thailand. Demand decreases so business owners hike up rates which decreases demand even further. Wash, rinse, and repeat a few cycles until the entire market is in shambles and then someone comes along and realizes that lowering prices might attract back some of the lost business and then everyone else follows suit.
But since looking at things like this on the macro level is difficult to do I challenge my faithful readers (this is my first post) to visit the entertainment districts of Bangkok. For many years Patpong was the acknowledged center of all naughty nightlife in Bangkok. Tourists flooded the streets and the bars could all but print their own money. But when a strengthened baht, bird flu, SARS, coups, and a whole host of other things started to cause the number of visitors to drop the bars did what comes natural to Thai business people; they raised prices. When higher prices couldn’t keep the owners in the style of living they had become accustomed to they started padding bills and finding other ways to rip off customers. The girls, being Thai and knowing the Thai theory of economics, did the same. When they couldn’t raise prices any further they began pulling every stunt in the book from charging you long-time rates and then coming up with an excuse to leave early to outright drugging customers and cleaning them out while they lay passed out in their hotel rooms. Slowly the word got out and people started steering clear of Patpong and heading towards Nana and Cowboy.
Today most people go to Patpong for nostalgia or because owners have wised up and lowered prices to ridiculous levels. Long gone are the days when Patpong was the center of all naughty nightlife in Bangkok. Now people flock to Nana and Cowboy to get their naughty fixes.
The next few years should be rather interesting. As the US and Europe recover from a decade or more of debt fueled growth and people are forced to cut back one would expect that they’ll be making fewer discretionary trips to the Land of Smiles. The Thai tourism officials are already bracing for that and trying to attract more visitors from India and China but will they spend money like drunken sailors on shore leave like most Westerners do? If not, how will the Thai economy react? Will it finally adopt the principles of Western economics of supply and demand or will it decay into a cesspool of rip-offs and price gouging?
Email of the Week
Since this is the first week of publishing this blog I don’t have any emails from previous posts just yet so I thought I would sort through the old mailbag and pull out something interesting.
from Josef J. Macdonald
to Bangkok Bill
date Feb 4, 2008 2:36 PM
subject Beat her womb with your new big rod, so that she knew who wears the pants!
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Hi Josef,
I do appreciate the offer though I’m not sure I have a need to beat anyone’s womb in order to communicate to them that I wear the pants. I would be open to beating a spleen but that’s only because of a longstanding hatred I’ve always had towards any organ that eliminates red blood cells.
While I’m not currently in the market for growing my phallus into the powerful, thickest, hardest, and most biggest tool I’ve ever imagined I will certainly give your product consideration when I am. You see, due to the healthcare coverage available to me I’ve been getting advice on phallus enlargement from mostly #2 doctors. You sir are providing a valuable service in informing those of us with poor medical coverage what the #1 doctors are recommending.
Do you think this will be covered by my medical plan? I hope so as this site hasn’t really begun making a lot of money yet.
I do have one concern about your product though. Your frequent typos and heavy reliance on all caps makes me wonder if this is some sort of rub-on crème and if so if using it might also cause your hands to grow too powerful, thick, hard, and large to be able to type properly. Write me back (if you can) and let me know.
Please feel free to keep in touch and I look forward to trying your product in the near future.
Yours truly,
Billy Bangkok
Final Thought of the Week
The true measure of a man is whether or not he washes his hands after using the bathroom when no one is around.
Housekeeping
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Disclaimer
The views expressed in this post may or may not reflect the actual views of any real or imaginary persons, living or dead. Nothing in this post, including this disclaimer, should be construed as factual or even informational. The author is quite often wrong and is prone to pathological lying. Under no circumstances should readers rely on any financial, medical, legal, relationship, or auto repair advice communicated in this or any other post on this website.
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